November 24, 2015

Virtues and Vices of Online Dating

submitted by Amara Charles Back

This series is dedicated to erotically intelligent women and men who are increasing their magnetic presence to attract higher levels of engagement.

Have you ever considered writing an online ad?

It can be a fascinating way to increase your magnetic presence to seek, find and deepen your beloved relationships. I know quite a few switched on seekers who have found some rather amazing people online and I’ve seen what works and what doesn’t.  While online rules of engagement may change the way we meet, the laws of attraction remain. The question is, how can we refine our approach to seeking and finding a beloved, online or otherwise and turn it into a spiritual adventure?

The search for the beloved becomes a quest of the highest order if you approach the process with the attitude of an explorer doing what it takes to face your worst doubts, fears and insecurities. My advice? Throughout every stage,  let your self be surprised by how much you can learn. In order to get past any resistance and to begin,  you’ve got to feel your desire to meet someone simmer inside you like a keen ache in the gut of your soul. Remember this ache, for it is the motivation you’ll need to keep going despite all obstacles. So if you sometimes feel that loneliness, that yearning to love,  good.  It’s the right place to begin.

As you allow emptiness, boredom or even distrust to swirl and cycle through you, practice feeling its sting and then practice giving away any and all thoughts of anyone ever meeting your expectations. Why? Because your desire to find  a beloved is sincere while your expectations are not. Expectations are signals to the universe (and potential partners) that you expect things to be given to you. Expectations are things you want but have not earned. Can you earn the blessing of finding an intimate lover?  Yes, by sincerely sharing the blessings you already have. In other words, appreciate the friendships you have right now.

A higher frequency signal comes from a mind that welcomes whatever appears. Don’t worry, similar frequencies naturally gravitate towards one another, and you are practicing the skill of selecting your highest attractions. What you are really doing in seeking a beloved is increasing the broadcast range of your signals. And like a radio wave, trust that the signals will reach the right people. You can’t go running or grasping after that wave, you simply need to clarify the signals you are sending and let them go.

Many times, our waves of desire slip out through the darkness of our lowest despair, when we are not trying to send signals at all. So don’t worry if that’s where you are. Feeling stuck against a wall of loneliness is often what’s necessary to launch your guided love missiles into space.

If you wish to connect on a higher level you must learn to reduce time spent on grasping for things beyond your reach and direct more focus on fully appreciating who shows up.  In fact, genuine gratitude is the most attractive signal in the universe. The quest for seeking a beloved has a way of increasing your magnetic attraction if you follow certain rules.

Keep in mind that no matter how brilliant, superficial, corny or exaggerated any online ad may seem, every single person has the exact same desire as you. They may not have the best writing skills, but hey, just like you, they are looking to connect on a higher level than they have known before.

So Rule # 1 is to:  Be kind. No Matter What.

Being kind does not mean being nice so you don’t hurt someone’s feelings. Being nice usually means you’re trying to hide what you actually feel. You can ask for what you desire in a partner without putting anyone down. So, it’s not a great idea to write what don’t want, it’s better to ask for what you are really seeking.

Rule #2 is to:

Never, Ever Give Up

Engaging in life is what matters and if you’d like to find someone, giving up is not an option.  Ultimately, with patience, who appears is far greater than what you could have ever contrived, planned or arranged. Instead, make up your mind to keep showing up in order to discover more about your self.

In my experience, the quest is less about finding or not finding Mrs. or Mr. right, than it is about embodying the kind of attitude, approach and actions that increase your awareness of life.  Perhaps the real quest is learning to honor,  respect, and show dignity to those you meet along the way, for it’s what makes the journey ripe with the sweetest opportunities. And as Sun Tzu says Opportunities multiply as they are seized.

I’m curious, What would you write to attract your beloved?

I’d love to hear your online dating success stories AND your ‘learning opportunities’ (the not so great experiences) as well! Write me and I will publish the best stories.

In beauty

Amara Charles

Next Posts Will Include

Specific examples of how to write a great online ad, including what attracts others to you and what turns people off, as well as selecting and responding to good prospects.

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SUSAN says

Oh, my experiences are too numerous to mention, lol. In four years of online dating I can honestly say only one was a great experience. The rest were meh….or worse. I am very much looking forward to your next installment on writing a great online ad!!! After reading this article, I think my ad focused more on what I DID’T want….hmmmmm.
Best and Happy Thanks for Giving!

catherine says

I must confess that for me online dating felt awful – a sence of desperation rather than a place of exploration and fun was a huge turnoff. The men that contacted me were not compatible and often not in line with my stated preferences. Also, I had no chemistry with any of the three men I agreed to meet and so I simply gave up on online dating. I though to share here because I enjoyed reading the article and am curious about the next one. C.P.

Debi says

Hi Amara, this is a fantastic article and intriguing as well. I like how you put that it is a journey of refinement and self discovery – refinement of how we ask for what we want in our life but also how we appreciate what we already have. And its a journey of self discovery as well. For me its often challenging to articulate my desires into words that attract the compatible men.. but as each one responds or does not respond I reflect and refine and enjoy the process, well theoretically as right now not so much.. but looking at if from your point of view is so much more fun and exciting!

Amara says

Hi Debi,
Thank you for writing! Yes, you can make the journey of finding a partner an amazing adventure. I just posted an article with some examples of how you can write a great ad. Hope you like it. Blessings and good fortune. Cheers Amara