November 30, 2010

Three Questions: The First Responders

submitted by Amara Charles Back

The Three Questions:


1. Explain 3 things – for you – that make a magnificent sexual experience.

2. What’s something you are curious to know more about sexually?

3. Can you share one sexual fantasy that has come true – and tell me what made it good?

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The First Responses:

R’s Answers:

Explain 3 things – for you – that make a magnificent sexual experience.

  1. FREEDOM TO BE JUST AS I AM
  2. SPONTANIOUS EXPRESSION
  3. SURPRISE, SERENDIPTIY, AND SOMETIMES SOMETHING ENTIRELY NEW

Amara:
Freedom, Spontaneity and the unexpected. Perfect. I notice this is a ccoman theme for what makes sexual experiences splendid for men. I also notice the subtle differences in what women tend to say… (although we too love surprises, and men certainly love sensuous play!) women often  say things about the slow, luxurious, extended sensuous  build up of arousal. Bring the two together, and you will indeed enjoy some fantastic sexual experiences!



2. What’s something you are curious to know more about sexually?
HOW NORMAL IS MONAGAMY?  IT SEEMS THAT WE AS A SOCIETY TRY TO CONTINUALLY PUSH THAT SQUARE PEG THRU THAT ROUND HOLE AND EVERYONE IS MISERABLE.  THEN SEXUALITY IS ONLY EQUATED TO LOVE.  I FIND THAT CONFUSING

Amara:
Well, this is a good an complex subject indeed! Briefly, here I will say this:

The most important thing is to live life on your own terms. While there are long held notions about what is correct, acceptable and proper in terms of relationships, the truth is the one size fits all model of monogomy does not work for everybody. I do believe however, (which I go into great depth in my book Sexual Agreements) the having one committed partner is best for most people. Not because of morality issues- having a single intimate sexual partner works best for raising stable families, and for many allows a safe harbor for deep sexual intimacy.

Yet, many, many people do not fit into this box, as you say. For these people, the need to explore multiple partners is necessary for their soul’s growth. Rather than falling into conventional relationship boxes, just because that’s the expected norm does often lead to disappointment, to say the least. The challenge is not to simply rebel against expectaions nor to conform out of habit, but to explore your own needs and desires and create the relationships that work for you.

That’s all I’ll say here. But if you want to read much more, I have a new E-Book available of Sexual Agreements that is al about what it takes to craft relationships that work for you.

3. Can you share one sexual fantasy that has come true – and tell me what made it good?
BEING NAKED IN A GROUP AND HAVING SEX WITH OTHERS WATCHING.  IT WAS FUN TO BE ABLE TO EXPRESS SEXUALITY PUBLICALLY AND KNOW THAT OTHERS WERE HAVING FUN WATCHING.

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‘ B’ s Answers

Explain 3 things – for you – that make a magnificent sexual experience.

  1. The wait. It is nice to go out and have fun and really, really ‘want’ them and have all that energy built so at the end of the night when you are in the bedroom you can just release – so cool!
  2. Kissing and Touching each other sensuously clothed, and really wanting to be undressed.
  3. Being teased with touch and the hold off, when you really want them to be inside you and you feel their genitals touch you and you they make you wait.

Amara:
yes yes yes! Me too!  I love the bit about ‘wanting to be undressed’ and ‘really, really wanting them inside you..’ Sometimes it’s better than sex itself!

3. Can you share one sexual fantasy that has come true – and tell me what made it good?
Sexual fantasy – working on that one…


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‘L’ s Answers

3 things that make a magnificent sexual experience:

  1. Connection to the other through heartspace
  2. Fun, laughter, openness to learning what works for each other
  3. (with a man) desire and intuition to give me endless pleasure

Amara:
totally agree! funny how you can feel when someone is endlessly patient. I know the difference between when a lover is counting the strokes in their mind, and when he or she could and would go on forever. Patience and endless giving. Does it for me!

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