At least half of what happens sexually is a result of what we think about. Our thoughts have energy that will manifest in our lives so it is important to stay positive and open about the possibilities of building passion and having a healthy and fulfilling sex life. Scientists call this positive disposition towards sex, Erotophilia. Before you ever touch, it’s what you say that creates an opening for sex or leads you off in another direction. One thing is sure – bemoaning the lack of opportunities or avoiding the subject does little to improve your sex life!
So, what can you do to get the passionate sex life you desire?
Courtesans, who were trained in the sexual arts for centuries in the East, viewed politeness and compassion towards your lover as the most important ingredients for ensuring excellent sexual experiences. Sometimes we can get into a rut with ourselves, and our partners. We think they know how great they are, so why keep telling them? Obviously, we wouldn’t be with them if they weren’t amazing people, right? Right! But also, wrong! It’s important that we keep that spark alive by reminding the people we love – WHY WE LOVE THEM! Positive affirmations are a great ego boost for both you and your partner, which means you should be complimenting and uplifting your partner, as well as yourself.
Delicate sexual innuendos, suggesting your interest in new activities or recalling fond memories of pleasurable times can be the most endearing (and attractive) aspects of your intimate life. Try having light conversations about what you would like, or what you might enjoy sexually. Better yet, get together with friends and share your most audacious, sexy moments. One time while I was hanging out with a group of girlfriends we started telling stories from our past. One woman told a story about how she went to a totally empty outdoor amphitheater and made love on the stage. She said the sound effects were amazing. That reminded another woman about the time she had a ‘hole in one’ on the golf course at night. Not wanting to be out done, another woman admitted getting down on her knees in the Barnes and Nobel parking lot during lunch hour. I guess the best part was the following week (we were sworn to secrecy) on our cell phones when we couldn’t wait to tell of our sexual exploits of the day. There is nothing like sharing juicy memories to get the sparks flying. I cannot recommend this technique enough!
The way you recall excellent moments in your own mind lays the groundwork in your brain for the types of encounters you will end up having. Try savoring in your mind, a kiss that buckled your knees, and then dare to talk about it with someone! It turns out even thinking about sex in a good way makes those hormones flow. Saying it out loud makes it even hotter! It’s not just what you do when you finally get between the sheets and turn off the lights where great sex happens. It’s what you think about, what you say to people, and what you allow yourself to remember that matters most!
Prioritize passion in your relationship! Most people don’t lose passion in their relationships because they are falling out of love. They lose passion because life gets in the way. We are busier than ever with jobs, children, family, and extracurricular obligations. It’s easy to let passion go if you don’t make it a priority. Sometimes that means ‘scheduling sex’ <GASP!!> I agree, that the word ‘scheduling’ makes it all seem less sexy, but what I really mean is go into your evening with intention. What do you want from this evening, sexually? What does your heart desire? Do you need to wind down with a massage before you make love, or would you prefer something quick and to the point? There is no wrong answer if you make passion a priority according to what you want.
Passion is an essential ingredient to a happy life and a fulfilling relationship. Please leave a comment below and share how you maintained or brought back passion into your life. We want to know!