How do you get your lady out of the castle when she won’t say yes?
What if she shuns affection? Avoids sex and rejects you on a regular basis?
The most important key that opens the door to the castle is to be more loving no matter what. For love is the only language she understands.
Why is she rejecting me?
It doesn’t matter why. Is it because of a past transgression? Jealousy? Or perhaps you think somehow you’re not good enough? None of these things matter. Even if you could find her reasons, it would not create the result you want: her welcoming heart and her warm loving body.
How do you bring your lady out of her castle?
Understand a few things. Castles are safe. Maybe she’s stubborn. Typically, she doesn’t even know why she is in there, or if she does, she’s tired of her own reasons. How do I know this? Because staying in the castle without loving touch is more than annoying, it’s boring. You should know that down deep, she doesn’t want to feel isolated and alone. But she is proud. She doesn’t know how to open. AND she knows you want to get in.
What to do?
While you are being even more loving, do not ask her for sex.
Be a gentleman. Wait for her to invite you.
Touch her only in the right moments.
Here’s how to be more loving. No matter what she appears to be throwing at you (whether it’s silence, criticism, complaints or things). You must make a committment to speak the language she understands.
Extra Clue: Try to Understand Rejection for What it Is
Women who are shut down are angry because they feel used or pushed. They reject advances and withhold sex because they are trying to protect them selves from getting hurt more.
If you approach such a woman, whatever is causing her to shut down gets activated again. She will not trust you and she will not open sexually. Why? Because she resents that you want something from her.
How would a gentleman take such rejections? By simply bowing his head without resentment. Yes, there is a refusal, but a gentleman does not sulk or seek revenge. At the same time, a gentleman does not pay attention to immature emotions-either hers or his own.
Then a gentleman watches and waits for an invitation. When he sees an opening, he touches her only in the right moments.
But what if there are no openings?
There are always openings. You just have to spot them.
One More Clue: Only touch her when you are feeling happy.
Do not touch her when you want sex. If you touch her when you want sex she will see through it. As you’ve probably noticed, avoiding her doesn’t get to yes either.
When you touch her only when you are happy, she will sense that you do not want anything from her. She will start to relax, and eventually she will come to you. This is worth waiting for.
Now go back being more loving. Give loving words, loving gifts, loving gestures. Expect nothing in return. This is the language she craves.
Even if she rejects your love a hundred times, keep loving. She’s testing to see how easily you will give up. A woman’s rejection means you need to find another way into the castle.
When To Let Go
If rejections persist, maybe you need to separate. This is okay. But before you go, give everything you can. If you’ve faced at least a hundred rejections bravely, doing everything you can to be more loving, at least you can walk away with dignity.
Remember, she’s the only one who can open the door, but it is you who holds the key.
p.s. I wrote this for men because so many ask me about rejection. Women can certainly use these clues with anyone.
Sex and Intimacy expert Amara Charles’ new book The Sexual Practices of Quodoushka is available on Amazon and Barnes and Nobels. To find out about her sexuality workshops for singles and couples please visit our workshops page.