Why I can’t stop offering sacred sexuality
I like inviting the soft burn of yearning love to come out from hiding. Even the most bruised and tender spirits, the ones who’ve just about given up, the ones who feel tired of losing, or who don’t even know they’re caged in pain; these are the ones I love lifting. Actually, it’s we who do the lifting. It happens every time.
I like when we become healers because it’s safe to shine. I like when we get to the place where sex is no longer about me and what I want, or what I can get. I like when our sexuality stays fragile, and private and clear. I love when there is no difference between my pleasure and your pleasure. I love the moments when giving is so thrilling, so sweet and so divine, nobody is left out.
Regular sex, the kind you have behind closed doors, is still my favorite kind of sex. Ah, but there’s something very different when we get together to explore our sacred sexuality. And it isn’t what you may think.
WE become a conduit for what is just so. We call to our relations, we ask all creation to help us shed the nonsense – that we are less than, that we are flawed, that we somehow do not deserve pleasure. As we drop those false, slow thoughts, and we speed up to the reality that life is utterly exquisite, we understand the truth: that we are truly blessed to even have a body. We can finally feel what we are designed to feel.
Temporary though it is, it’s a beautiful thing to cherish and celebrate pleasure in the body. But wow, have I seen all shapes and sizes and the hidden ways we feel guilty, ashamed or afraid of feeling pleasure. It’s amazing to see how many of us have a deep distrust of our own pleasure.
I like when each of us gets so filled up with compassion we say, ‘Hey, I’ve been there, I have suffered that way too.’ I like when our hearts get so big they can’t get stuck anywhere.
It’s when we can’t allow it, when we cut off feelings of pleasure that we keep getting stuck in the pain of not having it. We have all learned ways to hold back, go numb, close down or say it’s not that important. We devise clever defenses to protect us from getting hurt. The trouble is, our protection also blocks us from feeling pleasure. Put bluntly, the small trickles of pleasure you do let in pisses off your spirit. We know there’s more.
How do we dissolve deeply rooted blocks to pleasure? Start letting joy in. Allow your self to feel the pleasure of being touched. The trick to dissolving barriers to pleasure is by having some. Start by giving and receiving more affection than you are used to, especially sexual pleasure. Gradually, there’s a soft melting away of the notion that not feeling is safer than feeling.
I am not saying to just go and have lots of casual sex. This can be a disaster. I’m actually saying, crave less from your lovers. Quit sending hooks trying to make sure your pleasure doesn’t walk away. You needn’t lasso that one person who actually thinks you are ok enough to share intimacy with.
The secret is to keep loving and letting go no matter what. Keep being affectionate and keep letting go. Gradually, you notice that lo and behold, you do deserve to feel pleasure, and that it is good. Very good.
I think this is why I’ve been blessed to do what I love doing; creating safe spaces for people to love. My teacher in China said to me, ‘I live in a monastery. You? You must go home and do your job.’
Gladly Sifu Gandan.
You dance in my heart.
In beauty, Amara Charles
Dedicated to Guru Simeran who came to Quodoushka at 80 something. He recently passed away. Fair journey dear friend!