February 13, 2011

Ever Wonder Why She Sometimes Avoids Sensuous Touch?

submitted by Amara Charles Back


I just watched Brene Brown’s Ted’s lecture on Vulnerability, Connection, Shame and Self Worth. First of all, she’s a lovely, humble speaker who has done some great research on what makes people shy away from intimate connection. Didn’t know you could get PHD’s on that kind of research…  Her bottom line take on what makes people feel disconnected and alone? Feeling Unworthy.

After teaching spiritual sexuality workshops for over twenty years, I couldn’t agree more. And here’s what else I think.

Have you ever wondered why you sometimes avoid sensuous touch?

There’s two main reasons why we turn away from something that feels good. First we are afraid of depending on someone else for pleasure, then we are afraid if we do depend, someone could always say no, and reject us. So while we may really want to touch or be touched, there’s always the chance it wont work out that great. So better to say no thanks, not right now.

No matter what the path we take to get there, whenever we do manage to touch,to really touch, something natural happens. But don’t be fooled. We say we want to let go, we want to feel, to touch or be touched without inhibitions, but it’s actually scary when it happens. No matter how many times we’ve enjoyed loving touch, whenever we let go of our defenses we have to get naked and vulnerable. And while we may really want to, it can sometimes be a scary thought.

Why? And why, if we know it feels so great to we so often stop short of really touching and being touched? To me, trying to find out why takes us in circles without answers that help. it’s like standing on the edge of a cold pool asking why water is cold. There’s only one solution, just get naked and dive in.

That’s one reason why I made Touch for Two. It’s not really to teach you how to touch. I think mostly we know how to touch, it’s just that so often we don’t. It’s more about overcoming all the resistances about really letting go and saying here’s something fun, something beautiful to do together.

I know it’s hard to find the time to touch and be touched by love. But it’s really not because we are too tired or too busy. Sometimes, we just need to be inspired. I hope Touch for Two inspires you to slow down, let go a little bit and feel what really matters.

It’s really a different kind of sensuous prelude probably unlike anything you usually do with your lover. And yet it’s easy, and elegant. You can let yourself go, allow yourself to feel pleasure. Sometimes it’s great to be guided, because in lovemaking, thinking too much really doesn’t work. Whether you have a partner, or are looking for one, it’s a lovely way to spend an evening.

If you want to enjoy an elegant sensuous experience with your partner downlaod my new Touch for Two DVD in our shop or go to: http://www.touchfortwo.com/


Sex and Intimacy expert Amara Charles‘ forthcoming book, The Sexual Practices of Quodoushka is available for pre-publication sale on Amazon. Touch for Two Couple’s Night in Phoenix is March 25th. Or get the download for your pleasure at home.

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