Perhaps you have you’ve seen the commercial with a smiling guy wearing a light blue knit sweater talking to his nice looking friend about his ED problem. If you are like me and rarely catch this stuff, you probably had to say, “ED?” And then you figured: “Oh… Erectile Dysfunction.” By the time it registers into the brain that these two totally average guys are calmly chatting about their inability to get hard, the commercial is onto doctor’s recommendations, side effects and all that.
This is not going to be a tirade against the poor (guess we cant say that) drug companies cashing in on possibly the number one sex problem for men. It’s an attempt to revel in the hilarity of the polite descriptions being made up to discuss some pretty dicey stuff. I figure if this trend continues we will soon have a new language describing all sorts of formerly impossible things to name while trillions are watching. As we are now able to openly say words like Penile, Vaginal and Erectile on National TV, I suggest we join the trend and add the things we want to talk about to the list of burgeoning syndromes afflicting our society. Like how about the rare but highly pleasurable GVS– the Gushing Vagina Syndrome? Ever had that, or knew somebody that did? Then there’s the THDS – the prevalent Too Hard Dick Syndrome. It has been reported that THDS can lead to GVS, and research has shown prolonged exposure can lead to SDTK (a Secret Desire To Kiss) for a long time which can also cause BIODS, the little known Blast Into Another Dimension Syndrome. Hope you’ve known someone who’s had it.
More recently studies suggest that OPD when coupled with VHV can be highly contagious.
How could we mention all these syndromes without some recommended cures? The only known remedy for OPD (Overly Passionate Desire) when accompanied by VHV (Very Hungry Vagina) is extended time in bed and drinking lots of fluids. If doctors are needed, make sure they’re cute and playful. Otherwise serious side effects can ensue. Not pleasing your OPD leads to long bouts of TLWS ( Too Long Without Sex). Long considered to be prevalent in both men and women between the ages of 14 and 87, this terrible dysfunction promises to reach epidemic proportions if people do not have more frequent loving sex.
Please contact your pharmacist immediately if you experience any of these enabling side effects. For the common problem of VD, that’s Vaginal Dryness, not venereal disease, we’d like to suggest the readily available Tongue. If that cannot be managed for some reason, any method you can find to supply appropriate wetness is highly suggested. In case you cannot produce the necessary wetness for great sex there are excellent lubricants such as SYLK available to change your mood. (Yes! that’s a promotion for the best natural lubricant around!) (we have it in our shop:-)
So if you suffer from UOS (Uncontrollable Orgasm Syndrome) please do not get alarmed. EO’s and MGP’s (Ecstatic Orgasms and Multiple Gasps of Pleasure) are completely normal and can be unbelievably relieved by natural means. I am sure drug companies will someday find a cure for these hopefully unending syndromes, but until then, home made remedies will do the trick. Just remember UOS (Uncontrollable Orgasm Syndrome) , THDS (Too Hard Dick Syndrome), GVS (Gushing Vaginal Secretions), VHV (Very Hungry Vaginas), OPD (Overly Passionate Desire), SDTK (Secret (Desire To Kiss) and BIODS, (Blasting Into Another Dimension Syndromes) are relatively new and will take extensive testing to effectively infect humanity. So please do your best. And remember to use your DB’s (Dangly Bits) wisely to help spread them well.
“You dance In My Heart”
Photo by: Jtneill/Gallery flikr.com