Are you finding it difficult to communicate your heart’s desires with your lover? If your answer is “yes,” just know that you are not alone. Many people have trouble finding words for what they are feeling/wanting because they have been taught to suppress their sexual desires. Most of us are not taught that sex is something natural and good, but instead, we are taught it is shameful. “Even if we have managed to enjoy many positive experiences along the way, most of us have entered into adult relationships armed with almost no idea on how to deal with sexual challenges.” Amara Charles, The Sexual Practices of Quodoushka
Communication is key! It is what we all rely upon to be heard and understood. Communication is the foundation of all relationships and it’s not always easy to communicate our most intimate desires with our partners. It’s time to get over those fears and realize that communication is the gateway to intimacy and sexual fulfillment.
Map Your Lover
How can I become a better lover? ?This is a question I’ve been asked more than a few times by both men and women. “Is there some kind of roadmap on how to please my lover? Should I go faster, slower, deeper, longer? Can you suggest a book?” Sometimes I think people want a GPS Sex system in their bedrooms. Like a voice saying, “okay a little to the right, a little deeper, now ease up, easy does it… You’re almost there…” Obviously, this is unrealistic because there is not just one right way to please your partner. You can however ‘map’ your lover by asking them what they want. Sometimes, they will tell you, sometimes they will not know or be able to say. You can track your lover’s pleasure by paying attention to their responses. Try a certain kiss or a certain kind of touch and then see how they respond. If they moan or smile this is a good sign. If nothing happens, keep testing. Try to see what they like. If you keep asking and testing and then waiting to see their responses, soon you will have a map of the kind of pleasures they like. Keep in mind you can only map a moment in time, and that things are subject to change!
Steer your lover in the right direction with delicate innuendos. Perhaps you can suggest your interest or recall fond memories of pleasurable times. As mentioned in my previous blog about how to build the passion, reminiscing about our favorite sexual experiences can be one of the most endearing (and attractive!) aspects of your intimate life.
Make it fun! Start showing your partner what you want while making love. If you prefer verbal communication, let talking dirty do the work for you as you tell your partner what you want and like. Your actions, words, breathing, and moans are all ways you can let your lover know they are doing it right.
Please your lover
“You attract more flies with honey” is a cliché saying that comes to mind when thinking about how and WHY you want to please your lover. When you give your lover what they want, it’s natural for them to want to reciprocate.
Be like a wine connoisseur – savor the fragrance, texture, and temperature of your lover. If you go into the wine shop with a sense of wonder in all those juicy bottles, and you have the patience to do a lot of tasting, you’ll start to notice amazing differences. In the beginning, there are only two choices: good or bad. A connoisseur learns to notice the color, and the residue left from the wine on the glass…. Once you begin to develop a refined palate the wine tastes better and the whole experience of drinking it becomes richer. It’s the same thing with a lover.
We’re interested in hearing from you on this topic!
Have you mapped your lover, if so what is something you found that really turns them on? Please share in the comments below.