Yesterday I spoke with a couple having intimacy issues.
They were eager to give me the list of wasn’t working.
‘The first thing’ I said ‘you must to drop the habit of beginning with
You will never feel like being intimate
by constantly bringing up what has not worked.
Constant criticism defeats desire. I suggested they spend
the week sharing as many sweet memories as they could.
When I get hooked into the habit of bringing up disappointing things, I first have to notice that I am doing this. When we are asleep to how our unkind words put out the fire of our passion we keep going down this futile tunnel.
The only juice you get from trying to correct your lover by pointing out what went wrong the last time is being ‘right’. Even if you manage to score a point with even tiny insults, you are going to feel alone. We certainly know that insulting our lover is a dead end, but sometimes that perverse habit of criticizing wins the moment, and we say unkind things. Our ego is seems to win the battle, but our hearts always suffer.
It may sound trite to say as many kind things as you can to your lover, but in the realm of intimacy, it’s particularly true. We can retrain our minds to consciously speak of times when things worked well. Make it a habit to recall excellence, beauty and tenderness. Deliberately share victories with your beloved throughout your day. It’s simple, and it works. You just have to do it often enough to put your brain in the proper state of mind to be more loving and kind to each other.
Make it a point to share several beautiful memories and see what happens in the bedroom. I hope you’re pleasantly surprised what flows naturally from your hearts.
Because Beauty is a Living State of Love.
I think maybe we all want sex that makes us shiver and sweat all over, but we also want sex that makes us smile, and melt into each others bodies all night. Do we have to choose between hot sex or intimate sex? While some talking is needed to have either how sex or cozy sex, it’s good to know when to talk and when to stop.
Here’s one of my favorite ways to hit the sweet spot.