I just finished a four-day, second-level, sacred
sexuality workshop called Quodoushka. While the first one
focuses on the self, this one focuses on relationship.
There are a lot of teachings
and exercises, some are talk-oriented, most are hands-on.
Agreements and boundaries are an important part of the
experience. I had a truly amazing time: the people in this
group were bright souls, with really good energy; I had
really good energetic exchanges and connections.
I got a lot of really
positive feedback about my presence, that I had a strong
impact on the group, that I “healed hearts, even
without directly interacting,” and that I helped some
folks work through some tough things. I in turn experienced
healing and a lot of clearing of old energy that no longer
served me. I felt much cleaner and brighter
Returning home, I noticed I
was very tender upon seeing Susan and Rumi. I felt bursting
with feeling, without ever being able to name any particular
emotion. I just felt feelings, and it left me weepy at
And then I felt the old
patterns creeping in. It didn’t take long—only a few
hours—before I was shutting down in the same ways as
before. Now, I had been thinking it was because Susan has a
strong masculine side that puts her in competition with me,
and that causes friction. And I had been thinking I was
going to need to be more masculine, to provide the safety of
a “masculine container,” so that she could
“let go” into her femininity. While that may be
true, I think the there’s more to it.
Later that night we were
feeling a little shut down. Lying in bed it was the same old
energy: flat. I was thinking “we should have sex,”
but her energy did not tell me she was open. Then, she said
“I think we should have sex.” Ha! Well….
The interaction was slow and
deliberate. I was really open, energetically, and could
sense a lot more than I ever could before. I noticed that
her heart chakra felt exquisite, just sweet and wonderful.
That surprised me, based on how I had been feeling with her.
Then I got to her third eye.
I was immediately and
strongly repulsed. It was shocking how