March 27, 2016

Pearls and Pitfalls of Online Dating

submitted by Amara Charles Back

 

In case you missed part one: Virtues and Vices of Online Dating

I’ve been getting even more comments from my last newsletter; tales of awful dates and stories from those who, while they first thought nothing spiritual could come of this, now bless the day internet dating was born.

This was written by a man who said I could share his online ad. I love it. It worked for him.
I am a hot zesty 44 year old awesome bundle of love looking for a yummy juicy sexy woman that can’t wait to dive into my pants and discover the fullness of life. I am a man that has the capacity to be both strong and vulnerable, passionate and intimate as well as genuine and nurturing. I enjoy creating art, dancing tango, traveling the world, and reading poetry as much as I enjoy developing a successful business, curling up by a fire, and holding hands while watching a movie.

I give myself permission to cry, to not have the answers and to make mistakes. I am a man that celebrates both his mortal and divine masculine and I am in search of my twin soul-flame consort that embodies the beautiful mystery of the awakened divine feminine with an open heart, elegance and grace.

In the name of love I invite you to trust spirit, walk the razors edge and jump off cliffs into the unknown with me.

What do you think ladies? Guys?

If you’ve ever been curious about how to put your self out into cyberland in a good way, or you have some experience in the matter, we’d like to learn more. After reading these examples, I would love to know what you think makes a great ad or what turns you off? Would you respond to any of these, and if so, why?

To start, I think anyone who writes an online ad already deserves big credit; it’s not easy to put your self out there and it’s quite a challenge to ask for what you want. Yet if you are truly ready to open to someone, as you will see, writing or responding to an online ad can be a remarkably enlightening experience. Not only might you meet an extraordinary being, even if your path is laden with ‘duds,’(people not meant for you), you’ll get to sharpen your love harpoons and practice the art of saying yes and also how to say no in a good, clear way.

p.s. of course, we want all our experiences to be a big YES right away, so you’ll also get to practice patience.

I did some coaching to help refine my friend’s approach to writing her dating ad, and asked her to get reflections from both female and male friends. Before I share my views on the principles of attracting an epic partner, plus tips on what to and what not to do, look at these sample ads and then please be so kind as to give us some feedback.

Please Note: this article is not intended as an actual ad. We are sharing these pearls as a way of showing others how they might begin the process of writing their own online ad. I think you’ll see the great shift of the author’s attitude and approach in her writing over the last two years.

What do you think?

Your Views and Comments

Which ad do you like best and why?

Is there anything in any of these ads that turns you off?

Do you have any comments for the author ?

Examples

As promised, a friend who’s in the midst of this adventure, agreed to share the progression of her date ads.

#1

After years on the corporate hamster wheel, I find my hiking, yoga and mediation practice much more rewarding.  I have traveled the world and lived in Asia and still love packing a suitcase for the next adventure.  I enjoy entertaining and my friends call me a practicing Iron Chef (and no one has died, LOL).  On a serious note, I am a writer, poetry my calling, and see the world as multi-dimensional and not afraid to venture into its depths.  I am looking for someone who is done with the drama.  Who has had their own success in their life but values the deeper aspects of life and is ready for the next adventure and knows how to laugh and have fun.

 

#2

To begin, I don’t fit into any box.   That being said, most guys won’t be what I am looking for.  The guy I connect with will be unique and special.  Here’s a little about me – I’m passionate, self-sufficient, adventurous, progressive, and spiritual.  I love independent films, good novels, amazing poetry, symphonies, and sunsets.   All entries into something deeper and into the endless material for the poet I am.  You can find me at a small dinner party (a cook checked), with a suitcase packed (traveler checked), doing yoga or weight training (exercise checked), dancing till dawn (that was before, today carry me out by midnight), in a five star hotel (pampering checked) or in a cabin in the woods (nature checked).  Humor is important because taking anything too seriously is boring.  What box don’t you fit in? What makes you feel, laugh, and brings you joy?  What do you dream about? 

#3

After a successful career in the corporate world, I have to say I love being retired.  There isn’t anything like having time, however, it would be even better to have someone with whom to spend it. I have traveled the world, lived abroad, yet still have more places to see…how about you, where would you like to go?
My interests are many, from exercise and meditation to poetry and theater.  I also love to cook, but for two is much more fun!!  I see the world as multi-dimensional and I’m excited to continue exploring it’s many facets. I like physical touch as much as a great conversation and do enjoy the finer things in life. It would be wonderful to meet a man ready for a new adventure in life.

On a closing note

Attitude is everything. And it does come through in your writing.  So ask yourself three questions while seeking an epic partner;

Am I inspiring someone to contact me?

Am I inviting someone to be curious about my world?

Am I sharing interesting information or am I actually listing my demands?

Part three will include successful examples as well as pitfalls of online dating. If you’d like to learn how to make this a fascinating, and yes, a spiritual experience of discovery, I’ll also be sharing ways to increase your magnetic attraction. Till then,  here’s hoping you find your way of heightening the pleasure and joy within your intimate relations.

We appreciate all your comments! Thanks.

In beauty

Amara Charles

 

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SUSAN says

After reading these three examples, I cringe thinking about the dating profile I posted.

Reply
mike says

Without meaningful specifics, all these adds are just so much fluff! Let’s get real people or go home alone!
Mike

Reply
Amara says

Here is the best ad I’ve Ever Seen from a Guy. It worked for him. He’s now dating a fabulous woman. What do you think?

I am a hot zesty 44 year old awesome bundle of love looking for a yummy juicy sexy woman that can’t wait to dive into my pants and discover the fullness of life. I am a man that has the capacity to be both strong and vulnerable, passionate and intimate as well as genuine and nurturing. I enjoy creating art, dancing tango, traveling the world, and reading poetry as much as I enjoy developing a successful business, curling up by a fire, and holding hands while watching a movie. I give myself permission to cry, to not have the answers and to make mistakes. I am a man that celebrates both his mortal and divine masculine and I am in search of my twin soul-flame consort that embodies the beautiful mystery of the awakened divine feminine with an open heart, elegance and grace. In the name of love I invite you to trust spirit, walk the razors edge and jump off cliffs into the unknown with me.

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B says

Too much self idealizing. Ads are difficult. Sympathys. Any guy who uses poetry reading as a hook is in my opinion, green. Thats about as cliche as beach walks and fireplaces. Poetry is awesome. But ill never admit it in public.

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Geoff says

“I did some coaching to help refine my friend’s approach to writing her dating ad, and asked her to get reflections from both female and male friends. Before I share my views on the principles of attracting an epic partner, plus tips on what to and what not to do, look at these sample ads and then please be so kind as to give us some feedback.”

This is your blog Amara, can we please hear your take on this! Hear what suited your friends and helped them find success.

In response to the advert from a male: Me talking about an ad I like might interest some, me talking about an ad I don’t like probably won’t interest anyone! And wouldn’t contribute much to your blog. (One positive nothing I can say about the ad was, he did not try to be conventional not please everyone, and that obviously worked for him.)

Reply
Geoff says

I think i can see where Mike is coming from a bit. But here’s my effort to join in the discussion.

1: “After years on the corporate hamster wheel… I have traveled the world and lived in Asia…”

It gives some sort of basic information about this person’s life in a clear way. It suggests certain things about the person.

“On a serious note, I am a writer, poetry my calling, and see the world as multi-dimensional and not afraid to venture into its depths.”

Too me, that is too vague. ” not afraid to venture into its depths” sounds like a boast, yet, like “see the world as multi-dimensional” it is not clear to me what it is supposed to mean. –This is of course my personal response, and I should warn you, I am not American, so perhaps this comes across better to Americans.

“I am looking for someone who is done with the drama.” Again, I admire it. this short phrase suggests a lot. And it seems, that is what an advert should aim to do: suggest. Again, to me, the following longer sentence just seems too definite. It undoes the effect of lightness, and to me, doesn’t seem like it belongs in an advert introducing oneself. Once people reply, surely you can sort out who seems suitable and who doesn’t. And again, it’s too vague! My guess is that, someone who matches every requirement listed, he (or she, although I speak from “the male perspective”) would still be more keen if the ad hadn’t contained that “checklist”.

For me, 2 and 3 have much of the same strengths and weaknesses as 1. But clearly the tone is different:

2 is simply too difficult to read, too difficult to get to the information. Yet, like 1, it doesn’t really feel inviting. It feels like the person writing it has put in a lot of hard work. It still feels too definite.

(Of course, I see that I am being a bit unkind. These are only examples.)

3 is as disjointed as 2, but its other fault is in being having too little passion/attitude showing, whereas 2 had so much attitude it was hard to take it seriously, it was hard to take in any information. So, in a way 3 is clearer and easier to read, but it’s fault is being a bit dull. “…I have to say I love being retired. There isn’t anything like having time…” It seems unconvincing, lacking in life, lacking in detail.

So, 1 is my preferred advert, but I’ll have to agree with Mike that these ads don’t feel real.

But I think I can end on two positive notes. First, there were differences and so I was able to say which I prefer and why. And that was the point of the exercise, right?

Second: in my opinion, it shouldn’t be so hard to write an ad! trust that whatever you write will have a certain coherence. If you are uncertain, isn’t it better if your ad looks a little uncertain? At least it will be, in some sense, natural. A man is not going to meet you because he admires your skills in advert writing! but because he thinks that there was a person behind that advert who he wants to meet. Try to hard, and all that shows is that you spent ages working on the ad, and he can’t imagine the person, the person doesn’t show through all the work. — That’s my naive view, at least. — So an advert that is a little bit “all over the place” like 2, or that seems to be holding back a bit, like 3, could still interest someone, so long as it feels natural.

— If Teacher allows it, I’ll take the end of the 1st ad and add my modifications:

I am looking for someone who is done with the drama. I expect that someone who, like me, has had a successful career but who is looking for a deeper kind of fulfilment is most likely to be compatible with me. Someone who is ready for the next adventure, and ready, whatever happens, to laugh and have fun!

(Sorry for being long-winded. Finally, I’ll repeat it: “what I prefer” is not necessarily the same as “what will work better for you”.)

Reply
B says

Without drama, its,a quiet theater. Stay positive and affirmative and especially, realistic of female psychology. Drama come with the territory. Maybe authenticity and integrity and emotional maturity is,what you are aiming at.

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Geoff says

Agreed with B – but I saw ‘no drama’ as a shorthand for those things. An aspiration more than anything else. Not a good shorthand, because if you are mortal you have limits. You can aim for something with all your might but transforming all your habits is a lot of work.

Easier to appear ‘without drama’ – just accept things you shouldn’t, or force others to do so, till one of you walks out. A way of diminishing oneself or others.

But I should say, what does drama mean? Some people are fiery and love fighting, so maybe they can give that up. But ordinary conflicts? That affects almost everyone, unless you have perfect self-knowledge.

Reply