March 8, 2011

Intimacy Worthy of a King

submitted by Amara Charles Back

I can’t say enough about how much I enjoyed The Kings Speech. The part that got me standing up in the theater was when Lionel, the speech therapist admits he had no credentials and no degrees. He dares to treat the King of England for his disabling speech impediment based solely upon the one thing he knew would ‘cure’ him. They had to become intimate friends.

In most therapeutic models, becoming intimate fiends with clients is taboo because it’s considered a hindrance to healing, if not illegal in clinical situations.Lionel’s therapy was radical and spontaneous. He knew his method would work, not because of a degree, but because he had helped men who stuttered after the war in Australia. I believe experience is the only true criteria for effective healing. There must be room for spontaneity, trust and friendship. Do the methods work? For in the end, either people become well, or they don’t. It’s as simple as that.

Experience is Real Credibility
In one of my last posts called Are you a Burnt Out Tantrika? I talked about the fact that many are becoming sex practitioners or sexual healers without much training. While surely, this has it’s perils and there will be charlatans sidestepping traditional academic training certainly has it’s advantages. It allows people to venture into places they normally do not experience. This kind of therapy is not the same as having an ordinary ‘friend’ because when one assumes this position, it requires a unique type of commitment that I would call radical friendship.

My real training in the field of sex and intimacy, which has recently became so popular, started because I was asked. I didn’t study Human Sexuality in a school and don’t even know if there was such a thing back then. I was teaching other workshops when people began to ask me really private sexual questions. What started as a trickle turned into a flood. To this day, the first thing I tell people is that I do not have a degree (in sexuality) and I am not a sex therapist.

I believe the unconventional methods Lionel uses in The Kings Speech, namely becoming a ruthless and trusted friend, should become conventional healing methods. For I hope the people whom I may have helped become more open, compassionate and more caring lovers, (even though I may not see them often) remain genuine friends.  I know creating intimate friendship is one of the things a therapist is not supposed to do, and it may not always work, but I was truly inspired by the way Lionel and the King stayed friends for their entire lives.

In beauty, Amara

Sex and Intimacy expert Amara Charles’ forthcoming book, The Sexual Practices of Quodoushka is available for pre-publication sale on Amazon. Touch for Two Couple’s Night in Phoenix is March 25th.

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Amrita Wise says

Yes yes yes…it was you, Amara, who told me many years ago that I was ruthlessly compassionate and I said: “ruthlessly compassionate or compassionately ruthless”? and YOU said “definitely ruthlessly compassionate because you never let me off the hook but you do not punish me either and you EXPECT the best from me.”
Too right my intimate friend…too damn RIGHT! That is what I lurve about you TOO!

amara says

Yes, yes, YES, right back. the reason I keep loving you as my friend is because you hold me to a standard I can barely keep up with. . I have to go, oh, yes, I suppose did say that! But don’t stop, because some days I actually get there. Plus, you often inspire me to surprise my self because I remember something you said YEARS ago. Hey, isn’t it sublime to have a friend who KNOWS you have more in you than you may ever get to?

Amrita Wise says

Ha ha! YES IT IS! Thank you for being that Friend! I am reminded of Rumi’s relationship with Shams of Tabriz – all golden and demanding and yet still the greatest refuge. BRING IT ON!


Amara –

You have the most insightful perspective about every issue. I, too, immensely enjoyed the movie – and was bouyed when the Princess/Queen hired back the Lionel character after calling him a fraud. But I would not have stretched to make the connection that none of us needs a degree after our name to be a qualified teacher. If someone can make my life better by answering a question, pointing me in a different direction, or giving me something new to think about, should I first question their credentials before accepting the gift of their knowledge? Thanks for sharing, and giving me something further to take away from this great movie.

amara says

Thank You Laura. I love what you say here. Although I really do respect some people with degrees, like doctors and lawyers who have taken years to train- I have been helped greatly by their knowledge! (my brother is a doc and my sister a lawyer Ha!) But I have also been helped so much by people who simply know how to heal. I think it’s all a questions of what works.