“I think everyone has their own interpretation of the word… but in my experience of my life, I found that it means responsibility, almost a call to action, or an acknowledgment of your relationships that you have in your lifetime. Mitakuye Oyasin translated to English means ‘All my Relations’. So in your responsibility to all your relations you are acknowledging that you are your brother’s keeper, you are acknowledging that you are a relative to the land and to the environment, and to the human beings around you.
We say Mitakuye Oyasin in the beginning and at the ending of our ceremonies. But we also say it in the morning – and in the evening and in those times of hardship and times of happiness or in our own minds. Or you may walk with it in the way of your own life, that people know when they say those words Mitakuye Oyasin, that they may see you in the vision of their mind. They may see that responsibility that you are upholding and that is something very powerful for our community, our families, our loved ones and even our enemies to see that we would humble ourselves and walk in that manner.”
Pine Ridge Indian Reservation Kyle, South Dakota August 2012
I am touched by these words as I sit here in Santa Fe gifted by a friend with time to write in her beautiful home. Mitakuye Oyasin is the overwhelming feeling of sad yet joyful hope that came over us like a cloud as we stopped on the way here and met a Zuni warrior named Quam Medicine Bear on the Mogollon Rim.
What would happen if you allowed the men in your life to love every bit of you? Can you imagine having men who wish to provide whatever they can; able to take you into realms of pleasure that thrills you to the bone? Can you picture the kind of guy who’s turned on every time he makes just the right move at just the right time?
Here’s what I’ve noticed about certain men:
When given the right kind of clues, they’re absolutely eager to delight us.
But why do men seldom succeed as much as they could? Why do they frequently fall short, leaving things unsaid and untouched? And why do they so often seem clueless, asking us what we want?
In my experience, training a man to catch our signals of desire is a matter of learning how to inspire him rather than asking for or demanding what we want. Yes, we can ask, and sometimes even demand that he steps up or slows down. But there are better ways to inspire men to love us the way we’d like to be loved.
First, keep in mind what inspires men most, especially during sex…
People who are well nourished and greatly inspired by their relationships live at the outer limits of intimacy. They not only dream of but deeply crave what is beyond easy grasp. They know deep fulfillment comes from extending and stretching the borders of what is already known. If you want the most from your relations you must realize it lives outside your comfort zones.
Deep love exists on the fringes of plain view. It thrives beyond what is already known and being done. A great relationship, and real intimacy requires a new approach. Anytime you don’t know what to do differently, your answer is to hunt for another approach.
The cool thing about Alpha Women is they have this fierce desire to learn how to do things. And if her independence doesn’t knock you over as she’s walking out the door, just know that she’s probably battling voices that are still saying ‘it doesn’t matter, It’s too late and I don’t have what it takes’. Plus, there are still times when curling up in a little ball and having somebody take care of you sounds really good.
Lately, I’ve seen many fine Alpha Women get into such a funk. They know this is ok from time to time and perhaps even necessary. That it’s life’s way of saying something is off.
If you’ve ever reached a high, and then started slipping, perhaps you know how it goes; you start looking ‘out there’ too much, over focusing on others, and somehow you lose touch with your real needs. Any of these can take you too far away; you feel separate and things collapse.
To get back to the truth, that you’re an important, and yes, vital cell in the grand design of things, you’ve got to turn the mirror around. Like the camera on your phone, you’ve got to peer inside more accurately.
(This is why I do ceremony, and why I am on my way to China to stay in the temple with my teachers.)
Back to our Alpha Women
Have you ever reached a point where you just can’t find that thrill, that zing of what used to motivate you? Where you feel secretly bored doing what you’re certain you love?
If so, congratulations. Puffs of boredom like this come by to let us know something is nearing an end and that something new is around the corner. It means you’ve come to an edge, or a limit of what you have known and now you are ready for more. Somehow, it’s time to change course and it’s time to hunt for new edges.
I have certainly had times when I felt like going to sleep for a hundred years or wanted to wait for some prince charming to wake me from my slumber.
I suspect that when life hits hard or something collapses, the trick is to rest, reflect and listen, but don’t go too far down the rabbit hole. An intelligent woman, an Alpha Women neither ignores the mirror nor indulges by looking too long.
You are hunting for what will work better than what you’ve been doing. If Eventually, you will realize you were born with this fearless curiosity, this ability to reflect and refine, to consider more carefully what truly matters.
An average woman, or let’s say, a sleeping beauty, stays drowsy too long; she’s lulled by insignificant things and she spreads her emotions over disappointing events like frosting on cake. She keeps her dreams minor by complaining. Describing. Pointing and Avoiding. She’ll do anything rather than make a decisive move. Her battle is with the shadow hiding in her cupboards of comfort. We’ve all had such ‘waiting-until-the-right-time’ friends J
When a woman is in alpha mode she develops a nose for her edges; she learns to feel when boredom starts creeping in, even on the fringes of what she most loves. She learns to hear the inner whispers of ‘I’m not really that interested in this anymore’ as a nudge to complete certain things and to get ready for what’s next.
An Alpha woman does not oversleep on the laurels of what she’s already done. She’s more interested in what she has never known. Whereas a sleeping beauty can afford to wallow in pity (and even secretly likes company in this), an Alpha Woman is drawn to those whose thoughts of beauty generate many empowering possibilities. The interesting part is to select the best for the greatest good.
The thing is, you can’t rush such wisdom, and we do need our beauty rest.
So if you’re in a place where you must dive inward (or you get a sudden jolt) don’t label it depression and don’t call it a flaw. Try to look more deeply into the mirror. Beware of sophisticated blame. Own what’s murky, or lazy about you and do something about it.
I like what Swift Deer used to say when you feel depression tugging on your skirt: Get Busy, Stay Busy and Do something creative for others