Last year we started a conversation about men, but truly, I was just getting started… So here’s a few thoughts about these unusual creatures to usher in another year of living the good life.
Arghhhh, Men. You have to love them though, I certainly do. Despite their tendency to drive you utterly crazy with the strange things they do, it’s good to remember their needs are fairly simple. While it’s probably no surprise that men need affection and support on a regular basis 🙂
it’s easy to forget or to with hold what you know they’d like. That’s why I decided to start studying what men need and how they function.
Several years ago, I wanted to talk with men about intimate sexual things and find out how they work. So I set up a series of sessions we called Men’s Sex Forums.
The best thing I hear while presenting these forums- where I get to listen to men’s real sexual questions- is their eagerness to understand all things sexual. We all know they love sex. What’s interesting is how much they enjoy talking about their favorite subject- especially when they get to let loose and say what they really want to.
It’s like they’re hunting for gold nuggets day and night- and they’d give anything to know what really brings pleasure to a women. Listening and, most importantly, seeing what turns women on thrills them to no end. Unless they are totally numb, they also love clear, concise steps, guidance and instruction, but the paradox is this- they want to know, but do not like being told what to do by a woman they are sexually fond of. Most of all they want to know what will get them to a ‘Yes!’ (as opposed to a ‘maybe…’) in the bedroom. In other words, they want to be desired.
Are we really all that different?
Now you may say, ‘but I am not sure if I want him- especially when he acts like….’ Herein lies the constant question men grapple with, ‘ Does she want me or not?’
Although it’s always entirely your choice as to when to be sexually intimate, if you want to interest, attract and intrigue a man, you must understand what they think about. It’s good to keep those sexy embers warm by talking about sex. But more important than talking is what you show him. Men respond to touch more than anything. Touch is what shows them that they arouse you in some way.
It’s interesting, at our forums, (where I am with a roomful of men with one other woman) for the men, it’s not quite like ‘talking to the guys’ or talking to their women friends- where they have to guard what they say about sex. After they finish venting frustrations- and they have many- what comes out every time is their humor and boundless fascination about women. What charms me most is the way they’ll quickly admit how little they know about women, sex and intimacy. Once they feel comfortable however, they’re bursting with questions they can’t seem to ask the women in their lives. They are dying to know what women really like- and it’s not good enough to read sex tips in magazines! They want to hear that they are desired– from women.
So where are these good men then?
And why, if they are so eager to know about women do they so often sell short in the realms of love and sex?
They secret to finding them is to look right under your nose.
While they might need to be brought out of hiding, or may need to be dusted off the shelf, the universal and sometimes desperate message I continue to hear from men is: ‘We want to be closer, and we want to be more sexual with the women we know.’ All you have to do is listen and respond to this need.
My mother, (who is in her 80’s) called me after a Men’s Sex Forum wondering what it was about. She asked, “They still don’t know how to have sex?”
I had to laugh. “Yes mom, they’ve got the basics. They’re just looking for a bit of refinement.’
“Good” she said, “They need it.”
If you’ve caught yourself thinking men are insensitive about love, clumsy when it comes to sex or don’t know what you want, listen to what my friend Beck Peacock has to say. He is a great example of how sensitive and passionate a lot of men actually are:
“Sex is Like Music. Tempo, rhythm, volume, & technique is inherent to both. A lively pussy — and potentially they all are — is like a fine musical piece to be played. The obvious way for the pussy to be played is with the cock, sliding in and out, building energy with consistent deep drumming — like a percussion instrument. Many musicians want that basic steady rhythm to create their music. But consider the fingers. You can’t play a piano or guitar very well with a cock. No subtly there. The fingers of a great guitarist or pianist make the instrument come alive with a hundred combinations of notes, played in an infinite number of subtle and shifting rhythms. One’s fingers massaging a pussy can discover music as varied as any composition ever written. Add to that the mouth and tongue playing over the lips on a vagina — so essential to the welling sounds of horns and delicate tone of reed instruments in an orchestra — and you have a way of expanding one’s approach to the music of sex immensely. I can speak from much experience — as I’ve grown older and my percussion instrument has become less trustworthy, the nuanced technique of my hand & fingers, mouth, & tongue have only become richer and more playful. Luckily, women seem to love it.”
Ah, what a man…
And there’s plenty of good ones are all around. Once men have a dose of beautiful feminine energy and kindness mixed with a bit if sexiness, you’ll be amazed how many fine ones will start to show up.
“You dance in my heart”
Amara Charles © 2010