March 20, 2011

Craving for Community

submitted by Amara Charles Back

Craving for Community Through Consummate Friendships

Recently while visiting my best friends around the globe, I found myself having virtually the same conversation with them all. Mostly we started with stories about magical meetings with gurus and psuedo gurus, shared tales of awesome workshops and remarkable self-growth adventures. We told each other of graceful or not so graceful relationships, marriages, divorces, children and everything in-between. In the end, every conversation gravitated towards the same idea: a craving for community.

It is not the desire to build communes, or the urge to go off to a religious monastery that calls most of us these days: it is the underlying longing in our hearts to live in nourishing environments amongst kindred spirits. To create homes where we can develop our deepest gifts. It is a calling to live in caring places where our bodies and spirits can thrive, where our freedom and creativity can be shared abundantly.

Yet how many of us now live in such places of sanctuary and beauty? In my own experience, although I have been gathering friends and creating spiritual alliances for years, the sense of a real community remains elusive. Sometimes, moments I share with friends are so compelling I feel truly blessed. Other times, the community seems to evaporate, and it becomes a daunting task to pull it back together. People are scattered around and most are inundated by various obligations in their lives.

Although it does require profound commitment and real effort to sustain any community, it sure beats feeling alone and isolated. Even the most mature souls I have encountered live their sweetest moments surrounded by worthy companions. Our best conversations revolve around what would we be doing, what would happen if we lived in robust and fascinating communities?

Some of us may remember living in places where life was celebrated with respect and reverence, where all children were raised in beauty, and where compassion for the self and others reigned supreme. So how do we begin creating the kind of community we would truly proud to live in?

In my view, the glue that would bond a new kind of community together is true friendship. A gathering of souls linked by resonant frequencies of profound love. The more real and thickly connected our friendships become, the more sublime reverberations manifest from the community. These new friendships will be a full consummation of our deepest selves being inevitably drawn to our highest possibility.

It seems to me a magnetic recognition, an innate attraction happens when we gather together in soul clusters to begin the business of living rightly. It is an electrifying feeling when we discover a Consummate Friend.

But you have to learn to recognize these people. Chances are you have let a few of them slip by because you were asleep when they came around. A good sign you have met such a Friend is a tendency to laugh profusely for no particular reason in their presence. Irrepressible joy can happen in the middle of anything whenever you get together.

Another indication you are in the presence of a Consummate Friend is an ache in the pit of your stomach if you are without them for long. Please note: this can happen even if they are not lovers. You do not have to consummate a Consummate Friend, (but there will probably be a part of you that would like to just out of curiosity)

The love you feel for this kind of person is a radical love. Much like regular love, it can be utterly irrational. One minute frivolous, the next deadly serious. A Consummate Friend is concerned only with what is utterly unknown between you. They have the ability to see keenly into your heart and peer into what is impossible for you to see by yourself. They can ruthlessly poke straight into your natural beauty and laugh at your puny fear of being who you truly are.

This article is a call to awaken to the kindred souls around you. Do your cells shiver with a kind of calling? Do you hear the faint whispers of spirit when they are near?

But remember, these friends will not be your easiest associates. Give special attention to anyone who jolts you into sobriety or who coaxes you speak the unspeakable. Now, rather than remaining passing strangers afraid to risk the dangers of intimacy, begin to truly bond.  Form allegiances of communion that can transcend all religious and cultural differences as well as any conventions or limitations you may have known in other relationships.

Consummate Friendships are as valuable as pure gold. Like a star that will not disappear in your lifetime, they can draw out your most precious offerings. They can lead you onto terraces too terrible or too grand to walk on by yourself. If you even suspect you may have found one, drop everything superfluous and make it your business to connect with them no matter what. As a Friend has said, “throw a stone through their window, break into their house in the middle of the night and demand they make love to you immediately.” Missing the chance to commune at the deepest levels of your being is a needless way to suffer.

All good and enduring communities will be forged through the radical audacity to make and nourish such friends. Who knows what these divine unions might co-create?

In beauty, Amara

Sex and Intimacy expert Amara Charles’ new book The Sexual Practices of Quodoushka is available for pre-order on Amazon. To find out about sexuality workshops for singles and couples please go to our workshop page.

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catherine pourreau says

this speaks so much to my heart Amara – has for years. And I too long for community of deep friendships, not communal living – friends living not together, but close by in a vibrationally clean environment. The reality for me unfortunately is mostly longing and not finding. I’ve lived in beautiful places and felt terribly alone. I’ve lived in cities surrounded with people and friends. But to find/create both at the same time has elutded me. with much love and beauty always Catherine

amara says

How lovely you write Catherine, thank you. I know you so love community, and you have given passionately to this possibility for so many years. I truly celebrate your sincere efforts, and I am certain they have not gone in vain.
That is why I speak of consummate friendships and the need to bond deeply with kindred spirits. I pray that you cherish your friendships, for the people you love ARE your community. May we all be blessed with ruthlessly compassionate friends, who dare us to be who we truly are. So, my dear friend, although I have not seen you in so many years, are we not sharing thusly from across the ocean? Love to you always, Amara

Aurora (Jessica) says

Beautiful. When we are different than society’s current standards for “normal”- the the need for love with community is hard to bare. Community is where the heart is. There is nothing better than meeting a friend or lover who expects nothing more than union, compassion, and support which authentically comes through you both.

I recently had a friend, just a friend, who I told I love you too. I have no sexual feeling toward her but I am in love with her the way I am in love with my partner. The heart knowns no difference between sexual love and companion love when it is pure and fully unleashed.

I love you Amara. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with the community. Heart space and education for all.
— Aurora (Jessica)

amara says

Thanks Jessica for your love and support. I am passionate about teen sex ed, and am presenting on a panel at the Sedona Conference (ISTA) end of April. This should be a great forum for community, meeting friends and continuing to create possibilities that will shape the future we envision.

Erica says

I must be on your wavelength Amara! The subject of community (or lack thereof) has been coming up again and again for me and my husband. Our close friends are scattered around the US and it’s not often that we can all come together, especially now that we are all starting families. So the question keeps coming up about how to start new friend groups in rural communities without relying on, say, organized religion. It’s a hard question that we have yet to fully answer!

Amara says

Hi Erica, yes, I know we are on the same wavelength! On the one hand, we can communicate with so many more people all over the world- it’s truly astounding to me. Like with you for example, we haven’t actually met and yet a feel a growing connection with you (and I do hope we can meet someday soon!) At the same time, the ones we love so much are all over the place. It’s such a challenge to really connect. I know for me it has made me truly cherish certain people in my life – especially my family- and it’s made me keenly aware that I must make the effort to nourish my relationships with all my heart. I think we all get to become really creative on how we create communities that matter. Many blessings on your way Erica, thank you so much for your lovely comments.