March 12, 2011

Can A Tantrika Burn Out From Too Much Bliss?

submitted by Amara Charles Back

Can You Burn Out From Too Much Bliss?

In a post a few days ago called Are You A Burnt Out Tantrika? I’ve had so many conversations I haven’t had time to write about what people have been saying to me. So I wondered whether you can get burnt out doing something you love?

More specifically, I ask in this post, how can a dakini (sexual practitioner ) become exhausted by doing what brings her bliss? I’d like to continue the conversation, because it touched deep places in women I’ve been talking to.

In case you don’t know, the words tantrika, or dakini (daka for males) is commonly being used these days to refer to a sexual practitioner, sex worker or sexual healer.

Amrita Wise (who joined the conversation in an earlier post) defines a Dakini as ” a Sanskrit word describing a Tantric female deity who is the embodiment of enlightened energy on the planet. In the Tibetan tradition the word for dakini is “khandroma” which means ‘she who traverses the sky’ or ‘she who moves in space’. She can also be known as a ‘sky dancer’ or ‘sky walker’.
The dakini, in all her varied forms, is an important figure in Tibetan Buddhism. She is so central to the requirements for a practitioner to attain full enlightenment as a Buddha, that she appears in a tantric formulation of the Buddhist Three Jewels refuge formula known as the Three Roots. Most commonly she appears as the protector, alongside a guru.” (To read the whole conversation, please go to the Tigress Den in Amara’s World)

Yesterday, I shared Amrita’s  response that there could be no such thing as a “Burnt Out’  Tantrika or Dakini with a lovely woman, whom I shall call Linda. While we agreed that the ultimately, it’s true, a Dakini could not be ‘burnt out’, because she would simply experience this state as an aspect of her expanded consciousness. Yet Linda, like so many woman I know who are doing sexual healing work is exhausted. She reached a place where she needed an extended break to ask herself what she was doing and why she was doing what she does. Even though she looked quite radiant to me, (because I think we glow when we are reflecting deeply), Linda was on a sincere quest to discover why she was often seriously unhappy.

Linda and I talked about this together and asked how is it that doing something she loved to do, and felt supremely honored to be doing – namely offering sexual solace to many men – was causing her such personal distress. We laughed about this, because it was so clear to me that while Linda truly loves what she does, and I have no doubt she offers rare, precious gifts to men in her care, she was about to leave on another leg of her sojourn into the desert to reflect on what was ‘off ‘ and what needs to be reconsidered.

I would just like to say that I feel Linda’s type of sincere reflection is at the very root of all spiritual quests, and that I respect her journey regardless of the names she may use to call herself. Perhaps some are bandying about the words Dakini, Daka and Tantrika without knowing their true meanings, or origins, but we do not even have a word that comes close.

What should we call this ‘work’ (if it can be called work?) A Sacred Prostitute? The word prostrate means to lower one’s self, and prostitute has such horrible guilt laden connotations about sex it can not come close to the meaning of a dakini. Where does one go to learn these spiritual ways? Where are lineages that teach such things? It is such a big question, that’s all I have time for today, but will continue.

p.s. I would like to add that I hope this conversation inspires people interested in this subject to inquire further.

Thoughtful comments appreciated.

In beauty, Amara

Sex and Intimacy expert Amara Charles’ new book The Sexual Practices of Quodoushka is available for pre-order on Amazon. To find out about sexuality workshops for singles and couples please go to our workshop page.

March 25th is the Next Phoenix Touch for Two Couple’s Night

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i don’t see how anyone could burn out on too much bliss–bliss energizes; it does not drain. one burns out on what drains their energy, no?

humbly, may i say that my first inclination is to think that a sex practitioner can burn out on allowing her sacred body to be used for less than sacred purposes… as i would imagine that many if not most of one’s clients are there for physical stimulation, not to be guided to spiritual enlightenment.

i’d also imagine it might be hard on someone who calls herself by some spiritual-sounding name, but yet really is engaged in little more than the exchange of sex for money, to see herself as anything more than prostitute wearing goddess gowns, after so much of that.

but i don’t know from experience. i do consider myself an agent of Goddess, and my goal is to bring people to Oneness/to God/to their Higher Selves. and i do happen to be considered a “hot girl” who is most definitely really into “hot boys.” but i still don’t attempt to use my sexuality to enlighten them (although i have no doubt this is possible among any human so dedicated to such a task!). i just use my loving energy, words, and actions, and welcome people with my whole heart, and create a space for them to freely explore–with their words, thoughts, and ideas–their own relationship to the Divine. and i would never charge for this. so i could never really burn out on it, because i would never be doing it for reasons that could drain me.

i am very fascinated by this whole topic. i have many, many friends who lead tantra workshops and some who are tantric practitioners for money, and the grey areas of this i find intriguing and worth philosophizing about. thank you for the post! you seem like a very warm, loving woman, and already i love your energy!

Amara says

Hello Tantrika Cosmica,
You sound so lovely. Thank you for taking the time to comment. I also believe that there is no way to burn out when we offer our gifts, whatever they may be and however they are expressed, in the way you have so beautifully described. I love that you are a ‘hot girl;’ interested in hot boys’! and I know there is much much more to this than meets the eye. What one gives in this way is impossible to convey fully in words. I am fascinated by the topic too, and have only begun this discussion here.You also seem like such a warm loving woman and I am happy to make your acquaintance here. Many blessings dear beautiful woman! Peace in the way. Amara

Sunara says

Hello 🙂

I am a tantra goddess. It is possible to give away one’s own energy unconsciously when doing this kind of energy work — well any kind of energy work. Sometimes we want from many or a few aspects of ourselves for our clients to be healed, and thus they are healed but not with their own energy – ours. We created change in our world but with will power, rather than divinity. We can be in the heart space while this happens in the background when we work with entities other than our divinity/ our own source. In the past, I have been in cases where I was giving away my own source energy rather than empowering the client to find their own. Sometimes, when we teach what we know rather than what we are learning in the moment, that can happen. Also, I look back and recognize how much want and desire has been observed in my clients, and it takes practice, commitment, patience, and compassion to stay present, not move into their pulling/tugging energies.

I know what it is to be burned out, and then recognize that I had only to be my divinity to cancel this occurrence out furthermore. Still practicing. 🙂 We work from compassion and vulnerability but unconscious and conscious projections and illusions to how we are helping/empowering clients can still have an impact.

Now, I see clients when I want to work with myself – not when the client asks to work with me. When it’s on my terms, I am free, and energized more fully.

This helped me to type – even if it is a couple years late 😉