March 6, 2011

Are You a Burnt Out Tantrika?

submitted by Amara Charles Back

Are you, (or do you know) an exhausted Sexual Healer, Dakini or Sex Worker? Although many sexual practitioners start out with a sincere desire to help people, many burn out fast.

Are You a Burnt Out Tantrika?
(See More About Being a Burnt Out Tantrika Here)

Although the money is good, and it’s not like you have to get a degree to declare your self a sex practitioner before you can start, if you are not careful you will pay a very high price.

I am not just talking about legal worries or physical health dangers: I am talking about bruises to your soul.

Keep in mind, I believe many sex practitioners offer a profound service, one that provides the kind of healing that is rare to find. It’s just that far too many men and women I know in this profession do not care well for themselves at all. Many are having all kinds of sexual experiences but are starving for intimacy.

If you do not have a grounded path, with clear principles for your own well being, you do not know how to strengthen your own energy, or you find your self craving intimacy, then exhaustion, worry and inner confusion is almost guaranteed.

Here are some things I have learned from my own experiences. Getting paid for sex gets old. If this is why you you are doing what you do, it won’t work for long. Many who venture into this profession naively enter dangerous waters. It’s easy to see why there is such a deluge of men and women flocking to this line of work. But it’s precisely because it is possible to do under the radar, and can be so lucrative that it can harm your spirit.

If you do have a genuine heart for healing, ask deeply why you are doing this, and never lose sight of your true reasons. If you have lost your way, perhaps take a break and ask your self the same questions you asked when you began.

Amara Charles is a Sex and Intimacy Expert. Her forthcoming book, The Sexual Practices of Quodoushka is available for pre order. It’s coming out in August!

Thoughtful comments appreciated.

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Apollo grace says

It seems really important to me that practitioners take regular time out for their own healing. The space holders need someone to hold space for their process. This could look very different from a client session; often dakas and dakinis need more subtle work, slower, with more holding and a lot of clarity around the lack of any agenda. I know this is vital for me, and the sessions I’ve held for dakinis have been some of the slowest and most profound I’ve experienced. I’m guessing that it’s especially important for dakinis who work with men to enter into a session with a daka, to feel the contrast and liberation of the total lack of agenda or need from the man.

amara says

Hi Apollo,
I totally agree that ‘lack of agenda’ is where it’s at! But I would take this a lot further. Personally, I don’t want to have a ‘session’ at all. And I dont always need to be healed. For me to feel refreshed, renewed and full of yummy energy, what I need is spontaneous good old FUN! And I need intimate conversation that’s not about healing, or ‘sexual work’ or any of that. You know what I mean? I don’t want sex to be work. The day it is is the day I’ll stop having it. So that’s why I think you hit the nail on the head when you say ‘lack of agenda’. I’m just a bit more wordy :-). Thanks for your comment! p.s. I’d love to hear from your point of view, what a man really needs?

Amrita Wise says

Hi Amara – I would like to know what you understand a Dakini to be?
Also, humbly, I would like to offer that it is not really possible to be a burnt out Tantrika. From the Tantric perspective, If someone is feeling burnt out, this is simply part of the universal totality which IS Tantra and therefore is an opportunity for enlightenment. If a practitioner were to be immersed in “burn out” for a long period of time then I would be asking “what is this person’s relationship with expansion of consciousness (Tantra)?? What is it about their relationship with their work that is not surrendered into this expansion?
Also Amara what do you mean by “the work can be so lucrative that it can harm your spirit”?
This is an incompatible statement with Tantric understanding. The Tantrikas know that NOTHING can be done to harm the spirit. – also that there is no difference between “our” individual spirit and Great Spirit, which is eternal, pristine, indomitable and whole. I feel I must challenge your statement that the spirit can be wounded – it cannot – this is the blessed benevolence of this precious human life. To be certain of this is our liberation from suffering.

Amara says

Yes Amara, funny I found your sight “by accident” looking up my own name. I had just finished a rare “sexual healing” and when I say your question, I laughed so hard! It was perfect and timely.
I am a revealer. Others call me a healer, a shaman, a tantrika. When Source calls I allow that which wishes to be known to come forth for the sake of the Oneness. My answer is the same as some of the others, if you are experiencing “Burn out” you are not a Tantrika or Tantric Master in it’s highest form for Source can never be exhausted. However if you are a sex therapist Im sure burn out is common. If one would truly like to know how to transcend this danger that lurks in the profession of sexual healer then they have to begin by dissolving their egoic mind until they are able to primarily abide in emptiness.

But thanks for the warning. I found it charming and of course a good reminded to stay “gate, gate, para gate” for the sake of the wholeness.

I have a feeling someday we will meet.

And I would love to talk to you about the bliss that is felt when one transcends the body and egoic mind completely, when Love and Wisdom unite as One.

See God in All,

Amara says

Ha! I get the most amazing notes on this.
It seems there are more Tantrikas out there that we know.
namo guan shir yin pu sa

amara says

Hi Amrita,
Thanks for your profound observations. I actually read them last night, but I needed to sleep on this before responding. Because each point you bring up is quite interesting to me, I will respond in a few posts.

My understanding of a Dakini is quite different than how the term has come to be used these days- as a general term to describe a sexual healer.Using the terms Dakini or Tantrika is a bit like calling a neurosurgeon a doctor, it’s true, but does not begin to designate the real capabilities of a neurosurgeon. So I would liken a true Dakini to a neurosurgeon who can deftly move through the most delicate regions of life with equanimity.

I’d like to continue, because this was only your first question. I love the challenge of talking with you and am honored you wish to have a conversation about these things, which clearly, you know something about. So I bow in sincere gratitude for taking the time to post here.

Amrita Wise says

Thanks Amara – I look forward to your reply. I asked the question about dakinis because I believe it is respectful to honour the teachings about such things. So often in the west we bandy about terms like “tantra” and “yoga” etc., without really understanding the lineages they come from. As such “dakini” is a Sanskrit word describing a Tantric female deity who is the embodiment of enlightened energy on the planet. In the Tibetan tradition the word for dakini is “khandroma” which means ‘she who traverses the sky’ or ‘she who moves in space’. She can also be known as a ‘sky dancer’ or ‘sky walker’.
The dakini, in all her varied forms, is an important figure in Tibetan Buddhism. She is so central to the requirements for a practitioner to attain full enlightenment as a Buddha, that she appears in a tantric formulation of the Buddhist Three Jewels refuge formula known as the Three Roots. Most commonly she appears as the protector, alongside a guru.
The dakini, in her various guises, serves as each of the Three Roots. She may be a human guru who transmits the teachings to her disciples, joining with them in sacred commitments and vows; she may be a meditational deity; or she may be a protector; the wisdom dakinis have special power and responsibility to protect the integrity of oral transmissions.

So you can see that to call someone a dakini is quite a big thing and if someone adopts that title I would want them to know what that means and the responsibility and sacred commitment of same.

I do see you as a wisdom dakini who protects the integrity of the oral traditions.


Thank you Amrita, I dont know if you have noticed, but I have decided to continue the conversation in over the next few days in various posts. (because it’s so good to have you write, thank you.) I am putting all this in the Tigress Den Section of my blog.

I just want to say here, thank you for your last statement about seeing me as a wisdom dakini, but I would have to defer that honor to you. I am not versed in this lineage as deeply as I feel one must be to deserve to be names thusly. We use these names, but they do not really suffice. Ah, but I do love the words nonetheless because they carry the whispers, the cries and the moans of our sisters. And I believe there are many who can hear them. (if you are reading this,…. 🙂