October 3, 2012

An Irresistibly Ordinary Queen

submitted by Amara Charles Back

Just for fun, I looked up ‘queen’ to see whether the common definition came anywhere close to my take on the word. I was especially curious to see if her feminine erotic  intelligence (the most delightful quality of a queen) is included in our average dictionary.

Of course, Webster fails to mention the lusty, erotic things I envision. It merely states things like; ‘a woman regarded as excellent or outstanding‘ Even the bit about ‘the player‘ being ‘able to move any number of unobstructed squares in any direction‘ doesn’t begin to cover the vast and mystical things that come to mind when I say the word.

As I was creating this new workshop, we went on the hunt for a western term that could capture the highest attributes of the feminine. We landed on Shakti Queen so that we could point our arrow towards divinity, health, erotic pleasure as well as the boundless vitality and love that surges through women when we are at our best.

We set out to explore the dimensions of our feminine nature and to develop our ultimate hidden potential in ordinary, earthy ways -while still expressing our deep down desire to generate wealth and enjoy our men men too. Sounds heady, but it’s simple: things like having a whole lot more joy to nourish our bodies, planting good seeds, and avoiding the quagmires of perceiving drama where there needn’t be any. Did I mention softly expressing the She Thoughts of fluid intimacy, prowess, strength and creative originality? But mostly, it turned out to be getting the feel of our spontaneous erotic intelligence, which is, in the end, knowing what is really good for us and what is not.

But here I wish to say something about the genius that shines through an ordinary queen –  that is when a woman finds her voice and her body and doesn’t lose her mind in the incessant tangle of nothing-quite-goes-the-way-you-expect-it-to, and yet, somehow, manages to be beautiful anyway.

For example, one of the women sent a text to tell me how the night went with her guy after our retreat. It’s a perfect example of the mostly unseen heroic deeds of a true queen. And its a good example of how doing our ordinary business seems messy, and rarely feels queenly at all.

(Now men, if you’re still reading, listen up here. Lest you feel this note is just for us girls, can you imagine an uptick in your life if you were surrounded by glowing, shinny, deeply happy women who have it in mind to scoup into their hearts and serve up the love that swells in their bellies and yearns to be tasted. If you think your life would be better with such a queen , then it’s wise to keep listening for the clues of what she likes best in you.)

Back to our story:

‘When I called him up, I got the “troll” voice, she said. Here I was, beaming from our weekend, proud of everything I did, and I get this dull little voice. It wasn’t the first time he was not happy for me.’

Recalling everything we experienced together, I said,

Go to him as a woman. Don’t make anything up about the tone of his voice, and don’t bring up the past.’ She does this, and then says, ‘It was interesting.We didn’t make love right away, even though I know he wanted to. I was tired. But I didn’t give up or push him away either. In fact, I just kept telling him I loved him. I know he just needs reassurance.’

Naturally, with a little rest, patience and a light heart, a lovely union was assured.

Could any outburst (or inburst) of anger or resentment be quenched with relentless gestures of tenderness, understanding and intelligence? I haven’t seen anything that works better. And I am certain the courage that makes a woman move with a certain amount of regal, majestic power is precisely what turns us into irresistible, womanly queens. And it happens in the quiet, unseen moments such as these.

Quehestimah, ‘You Dance in My Heart’

In beauty, Amara Charles

Our Next Shakti Queen Woman’s Retreat is December in NYC.
Write Me If You’d Like to Be on our Special Mailing List for Women’s Retreats.

Amara Charles is author of the Best Selling “The Sexual Practices of Quodoushka’

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Helen says

What a great post. Yes, there are times where we don’t feel so regal, and little things seem to be challenging, but as you said, with a little patience, spaciousness and love (for both ourselves and for our partners), the sticky situation can be gracefully (and sometimes humorously) turned around.

Amara says

You are so right! Thanks Helen for taking the time to write. Hope you have an absolutely outstanding day! xo Amara

Amara says

Yes Yes Yes. I love to hear stories of how you turned around a potential moment of doom into something else….

Kelly says

The entire Shakti weekend was amazing. The women’s ages ranged from 20-62, and while our experiences ran the gamut we all had similar relationship challenges. We learned how to polish and appreciate the brilliant diamond that we are and learned that when we share our beauty in the world we become an attraction for abundance to manifest. The teachings on negative seeds and positive seeds were awesome!

Ricardo says

I took a Q1 workshop from in PHX about 3 years ago…for my 50th birthday.
Your article confuses my male brain.
I too am looking for that queen and her queen energy because I want that queen energy to rain down upon me for her queen energy sustains me in that way which I love to be enveloped.
So from my perspective…
It starts by coaxing the queen out of the woman or the queen out of herself.
As a male, I want to believe that I can do this with my penis, but in fact I cannot. For that queen must be coaxed out thru trust and connection.
Connection of my words first to myself and then to my soul. Connection of those now soul words to her soul.
Thus our energy is created.
Connecting to that created energy for that OMG – I got to have more of this woman relationship because it nourishes us both.

Amara says

Hi Ricardo,
Yes! My question for you is, say we have a Shiva King workshop for men (just saying), what would you share with men about how you can approach a woman? How would you inspire her queenly nature to shine, especially when she is not able to find her voice? Sexually speaking, how would you regard your most precious member? How would you approach her with pride and dignity, to inspire her to share the beauty she so longs to give?

ricardo says

What would you share with men about how you can approach a woman?
God Amara…first the male (and lets not call him a king for now) must find his voice in himself. It’s not the voice that I use to order coffee at Starbucks. It is that voice that I use when I have come to that place of surrender…surrender to this woman…surrender to taking the time to know this woman…surrender to make love to this woman the ways she desires – for it is not my desires I wish to connect with, it is hers. And that is what makes love making so OMG incredible.
I have surrendered, mainly to myself, and I am communicating thru my soul to myself and to this woman.
This woman will begin to trust and feel safe when she hears clear words spoken from my soul.
Let’s take a step back here…these are not words spoken from the heart…they are spoken from the soul. That place of deep connection to oneself and to others. That place of unconditional love. And make no mistake; this is a dangerous place to communicate from. But is also the place where true, deep, lasting communicate comes from.
This woman will quietly and softly speak in her queenly voice when she feels this soul communications.
It is my job, to listen and ask questions and fine tune questions and use clear words and to create a space for the energy that is being created. Create a space for our energy…the energy of this woman and this man.
Within our space a common language will form. Our language with our words. Oh I cannot/will not tell you our words…but sometimes she speaks with deep penetrating breath with pauses and thoughts and voids. Lovely voids.
Tongues to form our words. The under used, under stated tongue. Tongues communicate so much more than words. They communicate feelings. They communicate emotions. And they touch and connect thus creating actions.
So your question “How would you inspire her queenly nature to shine, especially when she is not able to find her voice?”…
…How would you inspire her queenly nature to shine…it is there shining or let’s say singing it just needs to be heard.
…especially when she is not able to find her voice…oh that voice is in there, trust me. Butt head men are just not listening. And if they did they would understand just how extraordinary it is.
How would you approach her with pride and dignity, to inspire her to share the beauty she so longs to give?
Ooh, we need to be clear here…we are talking about HER pride and dignity, right? And let’s be clearer it is about her self-respect and her quality of being worthy of respect, right?
When she feels the connection, that deep connection to another…when she feels that “you are one of my kind” she will feel the pride and dignity we have created together. So in fact she may lack in these qualities in herself. But in the right relationship she find them and connect to them.
And if you are asking about my P&D, I have none…I surrendered them.
But in fact, if you are questioning my P&D, my cup runs over.
Sexually speaking, how would you regard your most precious member?
Wow can you print this…My most precious member is my brain and I am tired of f*ing women that I have no connection to. I don’t know what they desire sexually. I need to connect to that desire in them. I have learned that every woman wants to be made love to in their special way. There is not cookie cutter of these beautiful creatures, thank God. If I make love to you the way that I desire, it always feels the same. If I make love to you the way that you desire, it is always OMG I am melting into you- god let do it again.
And the more I connect, the more she feels connected to, the more she will open up and show me more of her desires. The more she will orgasm and it is about me experiencing her orgasm. And God it is really that simple.
Another process I like to think of as matching energies and pushing her just a little more…just to the point where she told me yellow and is thinking red. But god green means we are in that don’t f*ing stop flow.
Shall I go on?

Amara says

yes, Ricardo, do go on… I am sure folks like hearing a man write passionately from his heart.
My question is, how do you Ricardo respond to really intelligent, strong – and yes – sometimes too independent and strong – how do you meet these women, how do you inspire them to dip into the beauty and power of their hidden potential?

Ricardo says

It does not matter what a person labels them self as – we are all “damaged goods” just trying to find our way in this complicated and confusing world. Rules for males and different rules for females… She desires to be treated as a queen in all matters and he just wants to get off and go watch TV.
So in fact it does not matter what the label we have scared into our foreheads, most of us want the same thing. That perfect union with our perfect mate.
For the ones that does not want this, the one with too many labels, I cannot choose for them. They need to choose for themselves.
And damn it, perhaps she needs to learn some “surrender” which I spoke of earlier if she desires to engage. For life and no one is perfect.
Amara, I do not want to meet every woman…even if I see a woman and even if she sparks me, that does not mean I wish to engage her. I may choose to view her from a far. Or I may choose to explore her with my essence.
I cannot be the inspiration of all women-kind for I am not a God.
Sorry to disappoint.

Ricardo says

This irresistible ordinary queen that I have coaxed out, that I have deeply and profoundly enjoyed, has also spoken of and shown other things. Those things must be mentioned here.

This irresistible ordinary queen has trusted and shared secretes. Secretes of past events, past lovers, past wounds; of present lovers, present wounds and her thoughts of her imperfections.

She has trusted and trusts that this lover will guard her secretes, her thoughts, her feelings, her honor.

She has also chosen a weapon to defend herself and all that she has told. In this case, a sword. She has removed it and swung it because I was wrong and she needed to show me her power.

And this sword is double edged and she has spoken about the stab in the heart she sometimes feels now because of this lover.

So we are swimming in our thoughts and in our fluids, in those so delicate places seldom seen, felt or touched. But we could easily drown there too for it is dangerous place to be.

kassie says

yes, go on! go on with your wise, blissful, and Q’d words, you are a well Q’d man! go on and teach the men! i would like to share this with a young couple i know getting married this weekend. i wonder what the world would be like if all young people were Q’d before being married?!?

KathleenELySheba says

Ricardo, I love you. You have it all, have said almost all, and Blessed Me. I delight in your swirling Pool of Love, and swim with you, lingering for the delicious words of your mouth.
I will remain with you even while making chicken soup for my elderly parents who have remained in love for more than 60 years, and still make love in their own special way everyday…..there ain’t nothin like the real thing, baby. Ain’t nothin like the real thing.

Kelly says

thoughts that swim into action…from reverie into reality…like behavior change and perspective shifts..

Amara says

our destiny children, all the things we have birthed are out and in about in so many ways. I hope my children are staying up past their bedtime, eating their deserts first, saying whatever they want and getting into all sorts of remarkable mischief. It’s magic our destiny children desire, and NOTHING less will do. If it’s true we birth all kinds of children, (not just physical ones) what are yours up to?

kassie says

i wonder what you would say to teenagers in high school…? my son is a senior this year in unique small charter school. i am on the parent advisory committee, and we are going to be tackling “healthy relationships and sexuality” pretty soon and i am helping to gather together some suggestions about a forum for the young adults. a recent school incident has made this subject even more pressing:

last week my son was present and witness in a group of 8 guys, when 2 of the guys verbally insulted some women faculty on campus. i don’t want to repeat the comments but they were about body image. all 8 boys were suspended for a day because no one would snitch. i am glad that the 2 guilty boys finally came forward after some healthy pressure from their peers and took responsibility for their action. but the lesson is not over yet. the faculty realizes that this was probably not an isolated incident and they want to address the entire school about respecting women. what a great opportunity for learning and raising the bar! i wonder what you would say to a group of 100 culturally diverse young adults????

in learning to love and adore my own body more deeply, i am giving away the popular cultural ie barbie images of what is sexy, and instead i imagine myself as a sexy animal, like otter, or jaguar. for example, otter is soft and swift and sensual. when i feel like my legs and feet are too short and wide, i imagine that i am otter and how she swims and then you notice her grace instead of her proportions. how do you teach that to kids who are so entranced by popular media?

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