Just the other day I spoke with a woman who had an awful first date with a man she met on a dating site. She grumbled about several deal breakers including he was stuck in the past and was oblivious to anything she had to say. She sounded lonely, defeated and ready to quit the whole online dating thing. So I said, listen, ‘you’re a fantastic woman, you’re bright successful and attractive, so how would you like to take those skills of yours and use them the next time you date? Of course she said yes, and here’s what I told her to do.
Yes, randomly BEFORE you go on any dates. The first assignment was to dress lovely and wander about smiling generously everywhere she went seeking only to have brief, pleasant conversations with anyone she met. I recommended she practice flirting like this in safe public places she might visit during her daily routines. “Make it a mission’ I said, ‘Your only agenda is to enjoy being out and about. You should have no attachment whatsoever and no goal. You’re just getting warmed up.
Talk About Now
You said one of the things that turned you off was the way this man went on and on about his past. What could be more dull? So, in your conversations, avoid talking about the past at all, especially your baggage. Hunt for things that are going on in your life right now and speak enthusiastically about what you are doing. If he starts to pull back into his past, smile and redirect the conversation.
Ask Three Things
Curiously, the best way to redirect someone who loves talking about themselves too much is to deliberately ask them three questions. Once you listen sincerely, say something like ‘Would you like to hear about my day?’ or ‘You know what happened to me today?’ This is how you stay in the present. Especially when you meet someone new, the most attractive thing you can do is be happy about something – anything that you’re doing.
Praise His Accomplishments
You can do this with anyone, but men in particular love being praised for what they’ve done. Listen to what’s he’s accomplished, and say something like ‘it’s amazing that you ran a marathon, I’ve never done that!’ or ‘I can’t believe you went to that island, it must be lovely.’
Do Not Act Lonely
The cure for feeling lonely is to get busy, stay busy, and do something creative. Even if you have to fake it at first, nudge yourself to do some innocent, light flirting. When you’re around people, practice lightening up your walk, your face, your clothes, your smile. When you do meet someone, don’t overshare and don’t chase. Keep a little mystery under your wings.
Appreciate Everything and Forget The Rest
I said to this woman, next time you meet someone, whether you’re dating or not, find three things you can appreciate and let go of the rest. Maybe you noticed he was on time, you liked what he ordered and he had nice shoes! Speak only this, and forget the rest. If there’s no chemistry, you’re not going to see him anyway, so why speak badly of others?
Remember, you’re mindset is everything.
“Quehestemehah” You Dance in My Heart
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Trusted Sex and Intimacy Advisor to Thousands