January 17, 2016

Alpha Women Say Soft is Better

submitted by Amara Charles Back

I know what you might think. Yes, while it’s true being as hard as rock can lead to hours of hot, driven, pounding love, there is a softer world filled with off-the-chart sensations – for both men and woman. The truth is, soft is where the sensation is. When you’re soft, relaxed and open you can feel more. And the softer the power, the bigger the bliss.

For Him

Of course, there are physiological (and highly pleasurable) reasons for staying hard. Most, but by no means all! ejaculations happen at the apex of a sturdy rod. While this often feels very very good, until you develop the ability to relax and open during epic surges of energy, both you and your partner will lose a great deal of what could be harnessed to feel more healthy, happy and alive.

Now, perhaps you’re thinking I mean this only sexually. Actually, learning to slow down, relax and feel during sex is like trying to read a newspaper on a bronco. You can’t do it. Biologically, and physiologically speaking, there’s no reason to slow down or relax during sex. Inside, you’re battling the drive to quicken while simultaneously, your slower head knows that faster or harder does not always mean better. Emotionally, for the purpose of bonding and being more intimate, you know your partner needs to relax in her heart. And you’ve learned; we say yes more often to sex as we relax, we slow down and thus we open.

What I’m saying is that an Alpha Male starts to create openings by slowing things down way before he gets in the ring. He guards his quick eagerness and learns to relax during high states of arousal. Wait too long or move too fast you’ll get turned away. There’s simply way too much going on once the horse is let out of the coral, so you must learn to relax and soften our speech, your gaze and your touch before you get to the bedroom. This is what helps you nurture the territory you’d like to enter.

What do I mean? Keep this simple. For example:

1. You are cooking or preparing a meal: completely stop in the middle of what you’re doing. Suddenly suspend everything in an almost urgent way merely to launch the most sincere, endearing complement you can think of. Practice being urgent about the right kind of things.

2. You are rushing for some appointment. Stop. Catch your self. Forget the appointment.  This is an opening, now be spontaneous. Do what you’d rather do. Once in a while, practice risking the unexpected.

3. You’ve just finished something. (maybe you just finished making love or finished a workout). Celebrate. Call a friend out of the blue, or call your partner to celebrate a small completion. Practice celebrating completions with intimacy.

Practice softening your heart like this and see what it leads to in the bedroom

For Her

We’ve talked about the bennies of softening the for him. For women, it’s a different matter. Softening your approach, softening your words, softening your actions and softening your agendas, these are the things that make you powerful.

Lao Tsu said it something like this: the most powerful thing in the universe is soft, and the softest thing in the world is water.

Feminine intelligence abides in the softness of being like water. Erotic intelligence means being able to harness and direct your sensations by feeling more rather than less. It means daring to become so sensitive and alive you can feel and see and listen to where things are going.

This requires cultivating the ability to relax and focus in the middle of epic surges of energy. Tension, especially emotional tension narrows your focus so that you cannot feel the more subtle signals as they happen.

An epic lover moves like flowing water and stays as still as the sky. Whether you’re a man or a woman (hey we have both feminine and masculine energy) you can learn to navigate through emotions by pausing to observe them. This conserves your energy and helps you act correctly. (saying yes or no when you mean it)

It’s called moving with minimum effort and maximum efficiency. It happens when we reduce the current of stress held inside shoulders, pelvic areas, necks, mouths and eyes. Not only is learning to relax highly effective, it happens to be highly attractive as well.

Think of it this way; watch a cat. So lovely, so soft… its quiet approach can seem like play.  And then pounce. One quick movement to capture what’s needed. Nothing wasted. Perhaps a woman’s softening pokes primal signals of surrender, for when she’s relaxed, it means she can open.

Must a woman always be soft?

Of course not! But like the cat who can act far more effectively from a relaxed position, or like water that can change its shape according to the temperature of a situation, an Alpha Woman continuously increases her ability to quietly feel, sense, see and listen to what is happening inside and out.

How?

By observing, engaging, expressing and then reflecting. You do not become more sensitive, aware, and able to respond to a variety of life situations by staying too still or moving too much. Every time you act, whether it’s making love, making a poem, or a business deal, you hone your senses by observing, engaging, expressing and then reflecting.

You could say the feminine creative problem is about losing the moment  by waiting, sleeping, or staying still too long. Being overly receptive, taking on too many feelings, or waiting too long robs us of our vitality.

So I offer I offer the same  examples. The only difference is to add the phrase:

Relax, Soften and Open.

1. You are cooking or preparing a meal. Completely stop in the middle of what you’re doing. Suddenly suspend everything in an almost urgent way and then relax, soften and open. Then urgently express what you feel. Practice being urgent about the right kind of things.

2. You are rushing for some appointment. Stop. Catch your self being tense. Forget the appointment. Drop the agenda for a sec. Now, relax, soften and open. Be spontaneous. Do what you’d like to do. Once in a while, practice risking the unexpected.

3. You’ve just finished something. Maybe you just finished work, or you’ve created a meal. Celebrate even a small completion by taking the time to relax, soften and open. You might nudge close to a friend or talk sweetly to  your partner. Practice celebrating completions with intimacy.

Most of all enjoy!

 

Quehestemehah You dance in my heart

In beauty

(c) Amara Charles

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

rock may lead to hours of hot, driven, pounding love, there’s a whole world of off-the-chart sensations – for both men and woman. The truth is, soft is where the sensation is. When you’re soft, relaxed and open you can feel more. And the softer the power, the bigger the bliss.

 

For Him

Of course, there are physiological (and highly pleasurable) reasons for staying hard. Most, but by no means all! ejaculations happen at the apex of a sturdy rod. While this often feels very (very) good, until you develop the ability to relax and open during epic surges of energy, both you and your partner will lose a great deal of what could be harnessed to feel more healthy, happy and alive.

 

Now, perhaps you’re thinking I mean this only sexually. Actually, learning to slow down, relax and feel during sex is like trying to read a newspaper on a bronco. You can’t do it. Biologically, and physiologically speaking, there’s no reason to slow down or relax during sex. Inside, you’re battling the drive quicken while simultaneously, your slower head knows that faster does not always mean better. Emotionally, for the purpose of bonding and being more intimate, you know your partner needs to relax in her heart. And you’ve learned; we say yes more often to sex as we relax, we slow down and thus we open.

 

What I’m saying here is that an Alpha Male starts to slow things down way before he gets in the ring. He guards his quick eagerness and yet does not wait too long. It’s all about timing; wait too long and you miss it, move too fast you’ll get turned away. Learning the skill of mastering the timing of your approaches happens better outside the bedroom. There’s simply way too much going on to practice timing your approaches once the horse is let out of the coral.

 

What do I mean? Keep this simple. For example

 

1. You are cooking or preparing a meal: completely stop in the middle of what you’re doing. Suddenly suspend everything in an almost urgent way merely to launch the most sincere, endearing complement you can think of.

Practice being urgent about the right kind of things J

 

2. You are rushing for some appointment. Stop. Catch your self. Forget the appointment. Drop the agenda for a sec. Be spontaneous. Do what you’d rather do. Once in a while, practice risking the unexpected. J

 

3. You’ve just finished something. (maybe you just finished making love or finished a workout). Celebrate. Call a friend out of the blue, or call your partner to celebrate a small completion. Practice celebrating completions with intimacy. J

 

Practice softening your heart like this and see what it leads to in the bedroom.

 

 

 

For Her

We’ve talked about the bennies of softening the for him. For women, it’s a different matter. Softening your approach, softening your words, softening your actions and softening your agendas, these are the things that make you powerful.

 

Lao Tsu said it something like this: the most powerful thing in the universe is soft, and the softest thing in the world is water.

 

Feminine intelligence abides in the softness of being like water. Feminine intelligence means being able to harness and direct your sensations by feeling more rather than less. It means daring to becomel so sensitive and alive you can feel and see and listen to where things are going.

 

This requires cultivating the ability to relax and focus in the middle of epic surges of energy. Tension, especially emotional tension narrows your focus so that you cannot feel the more subtle signals as they happen.

 

An epic lover moves like flowing water and stays as still as the sky. Whether you’re a man or a woman (hey we have both feminine and masculine energy yes?) learns to move and shift through emotions by observing, reserving, conserving and then acting correctly.

 

It’s called movement with minimum effort and maximum efficiency. It happens when we reduce the current of stress held inside shoulders, pelvic areas, necks, mouths and eyes. Not only is learning to relax highly effective, it happens to be highly attractive as well.

 

Think of it this way; watch a cat. So lovely, so soft… its quiet approach can seem like play.  And then pounce. One quick movement to capture what’s needed. Nothing wasted. Perhaps a woman’s softening pokes primal signals of surrender, for when she’s relaxed, it means she can open.

 

Must a woman always be soft? Of course not! But like the cat who can strike far more effectively from a relaxed position, or like water that can change its shape according to the temperature of a situation, an Alpha woman continuously increases her ability to quietly feel, sense, see and listen to what is happening inside and out.

 

How? By observing, engaging and then reflecting. You do not become more sensitive, aware, and able to respond to a variety of life situations by staying too still or moving too much. Every time you act, whether it’s making love, or making a poem, or a business deal, you hone your senses by observing, engaging, expressing and then reflecting.

 

For Her

You can also practice being urgent about the right kind of things, risking the unexpected and celebrating completions with intimacy. You could say the feminine creative problem loses vitality by waiting, sleeping, or staying still too long. Being overly receptive (taking on too many feelings, waiting too long) robs us of our vitality.

 

So I offer I offer the same three examples. The only difference is to add the phrase: relax, soften and open.

 

1. You are cooking or preparing a meal. Completely stop in the middle of what you’re doing. Suddenly suspend everything in an almost urgent way and then relax, soften and open. Then urgently express what you feel.

Practice being urgent about the right kind of things J

 

2. You are rushing for some appointment. Stop. Catch your self. Forget the appointment. Drop the agenda for a sec. Now, relax, soften and open. Be spontaneous. Do what you’d like to do. Once in a while, practice risking the unexpected. J

 

3. You’ve just finished something. (maybe you just finished making love or finished a workout). Celebrate even a small completion by taking the time to relax, soften and open. You might call a friend or your partner to come closer. Practice celebrating completions with intimacy. J

 

Most of all enjoy!

 

In beauty

Amara

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Geoff says

(Geoff, that’s a decent pseudonym, I think.)

There is a very male way of seeing a woman as something infinite, and from that, a very natural way for a man to “relax, soften and open” to the potential of the experience in a very yang or conquering mindset – because it isn’t about him “satisfying himself”, but exploring the unknown.

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